Dancing with Cinderella

For as long as I can remember my weight has always been an issue for me.  Always.  I’d lose it, gain it back, lose it… gain it back and a few more, lose it again… you get the picture… you might even relate.  I had my days when I felt so digusted with myself.  Mornings where I’d cry because I couldn’t fit into anything.  Shopping trips where I’d get depressed because I could not find anything and I refused to go to the size I really needed because it meant going up.  Can you relate?  I bet some of you can. 

I was letting it control me. 

Instead of doing better and trying… I’d go eat instead.  Nice right?!?

It was too hard. 

It wasn’t for me.

I was disgusting.

How can Michael be attracted to me?

I truly felt hopeless.  How was I allowing myself to continue.  Why?  I wasn’t worthy of anything.

I was not grasping the situation the right way.   I was never going to conquer the battle with my plan. 

He woke me up and showed me HIS plan.  A better plan. 

First thing He did for me was… gave me self-confidence.  Helped me see my worth.  Helped me love myself.  Helped me  forgive myself. 

And I did. 

I became realistic. 

Truth is… I am not going to go on this  eating regiment that wasn’t for me… that was setting me up for failure. 

I want to eat ice-cream with Jayda…

I want to enjoy pasta or chinese with Michael…

I want a piece of birthday cake at my family’s birthdays…

What is life without the occassional chocolate chip cookie? 

I just needed to control it.  Not eliminate it… control it.  Because those foods that some say I need to eliminate… well, they’ve helped make some precious memories and you know what?  Those memories were worth every.single.calorie. 

Be realistic with YOU…

Guess what?  I’m not a single-digit size.  I am not a health nut.  I don’t have a flat stomach.  But I have a husband who makes me feel gorgeous, a daughter who adores me and a family who loves me unconditionally… they always did… but I was letting my vision of being a size 6 blind me of it. 

I workout, yes, but it is no longer to try and get a body that I will NEVER get… it is because it makes me feel good.  It gives me energy.  It gives me strength.  It gave me my confidence. 

Find your inner beauty… that is worth more than being a size 6. 

Jayda started going to CCD (now CCE?) classes last year thanks to my mom and she learned quite a bit.  She shared with me one evening the story about Jesus feeding 5,000 men with only five loaves of bread and two fish… this is how the WRITTEN story went:

Feeding the Five Thousand

But when the multitude heard that Jesus was crossing the lake, they followed him. Many others ran from all the surrounding cities to find Jesus.

When Jesus saw the crowds, he had pity on them and he welcomed them. Jesus taught them and healed all their diseases.

Later on, he and his disciples went into the mountain, and Jesus sat with them. The time for the feast of the Passover was near.

As the day wore on, the 12 disciples came to Jesus and said:

Send the multitudes away, it is getting late and they need to leave so that they can go into the villages and towns nearby to buy food and find lodging.

But Jesus said to them:

There is no reason for them to go away.

Jesus lifted his eyes and looked over the crowd coming to him. He said to Phillip:

Where can we buy bread enough for all these people to eat?

Jesus already knew what he was going to do, but said this to test Philip. Philip answered and said:

Even if everyone only had a small piece of bread it would cost thousands of dollars to feed them.

Jesus said to his disciples:

Give them food to eat. they asked him, Do you want us to go and spend thousands of dollars on bread?

Jesus asked them:

How many loaves of bread do you have? Simon Peter’s brother said to Jesus, There is a young lad who has five barley loaves and two fish.

But there are about 5,000 men to feed. What good would a couple loaves of bread and two fish do?

Jesus told them to bring him the five loaves and two fish. When they had done this, Jesus commanded all the people to sit down on the grass in groups of 50.

He took the bread and fish and looked up to heaven. He blessed the food and broke the loaves. He gave the loaves and fish to the disciples to distribute to the crowd.

Everyone ate until they were filled.

Once they were full, he told his disciples to gather up everything that was left over. They gathered up all the remaining loaves and fish, and it filled 12 baskets.

When the people saw this miracle they said:

This is truly the Messiah who has come into the world.

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It was a true miracle.  Jesus came through and managed to feed them ALL and then some.  Allow me to share Jayda’s version of the story – short and to the point.

Jayda:  You see there was all these people and they didn’t have an H.E.B. or a Wal-Mart, not even a market.  So they had to pray and ask Jesus to help them.  And He did.  He gave them food.

Really- in her mind that is how it was.  Sweet and simple. 

We, as adults make it difficult.  We rely on the outside world to save us.  We rely on the H.E.B.’s and Wal-Mart’s to come through for us all the time.  Yes, of course we need our grocery stores- but we need Him more. 

We rely on the alcohol to ease our pain or stress – why not Him?

We rely on food for comfort- why not Him?

We rely on drugs- why not Him?

We rely on boasting and bragging- why not about Him?

We rely on the people of the world who sometimes let us down- why not Him?

We talk to our friends all the time- why not talk to Him all the time?

He will come through for us no matter what- so why not Him?

Ask yourself today- why not Him?

Why is is so hard for us to give our hearts and our desires to Him? 

He is there.  He is faithful.  He can do miracles. 

 

Jayda is an extrememely inquisitive little girl.  She wants to know who did it… why… when… how… what now… you know… all the good stuff.  Bedtime routine this past week {first week of school} went MUCH better than I expected.  She and I would go to her room and I would ‘sing’ to her… yeah… a voice only a loving child would love. ;-).  The other night though, she switched it up on me.  She requested a story.  Off she went to select a book, The Alphabet Thief Who Stole the Vowels {Claudia Villarreal}, a cute story about a thief.  And yeah, she had a question… A big one…

J: “Do we have thieves in this world?”

Me:  “Yes, baby we do.”

J: “AHH, WHY?”

Me:  “Well, we have a lot of people in this world who make bad choices and sometimes the choices hurt others.  But, don’t worry, Jesus protects us.”  {Yes… I went there.  I brought up Jesus… trust… He will watch over us… don’t worry}

Simple right?!?  Well…

J: “WHAT!?!  You mean Jesus KNOWS about this?  Why does He allow them? And do they really steal VOWELS?”

{What to do now… what to say… God give me the words…because this is DEEP. }

Me:  “Jesus allows them to be around because He wants to see how we can help them.  He wants to see if we will trust Him -to help us- help them and protect us at the same time.  That is why we pray.  He wants to see how much we believe in Him. 

J:  “Oh ok.”

{SIGH of relief}

So, yes… it was that simple. 

Just like that… she trusted Him, she trusted me… I learned a lesson about faith that night.  Trust. 

 Jesus is pretty cool. 

Trust Him. 

do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. know when to let go and when to hold on tight. stop rushing. don’t be intimidated to say it like it is. stop apologizing all the time. learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. stop giving your power away. be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. finally know who you are.
– kristin armstrong

Another summer down.  **SIGH**  Where does the time go?  It’s so bittersweet.  While I am enjoying the blessing of watching Jayda grow, mature, give me headaches, learn and simply become an independent little person it is sad that it is all going so fast. But that is how it is and I just need to hold on and enjoy the ride and not waste a single minute of it. 

I asbolutely loved spending my summer at home with Jayda.  We did a whole lot of NOTHING and it was wonderful.  Jayda tried out violin and improved her water skills (still needs work, but we are getting there).  We spent a week in Dallas with some pretty awesome kids and took a whirlwind trip to San Anonio to visit Shamu.  It was an easy going summer and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

While my time at home with Jayda was wonderful, I am ready to get back to a routine.  I enjoy the challenges that teenagers bring to my world.  I enjoy the discussions I have with my students.  I know I will miss the staying up until whatever time and waking up whenever I felt like it and lounging around in pajamas all day… but it will all be back soon enough.  And I will be ready for it all over again. 

For now… it is time.  Time to start a new year- my 11th year teaching.  Time to meet new students.  Time to reaquaint myself with former students who found themselves with me again for their senior year.  Time for Wildcat football.  Time for a new year of ballet, which will include jazz this year.  Time for 1st grade.  Time for folkloric dance lessons.  Time for all the challenges that new school years bring.  It is simply TIME. 

Schedules do get busier this time of year… but thankfully I never have had to deal with any of it on my own.  I am SO blessed to have parents who will drop anything and everything for me and a husband who shares the “responsibilites” as an equal… yes, even sitting in ballet!!  So, although the workouts get worked in/squeezed in/forced in– they get done thanks to my support system.  I am blessed beyond belief. 

And as our schedules get hectic… I will  always, ALWAYS keep my one on one time with God- DAILY.  I am determined to do that.  I need it.  My family needs it.  It WILL happen above everything else.  I challenge you all to do the same!

And another perk to going back to work… I can make serious threats… such as this one…

 😉

God is never wrong…

It took me 30+ years to truly understand the old saying “everything happens for a reason.”  We say it often, it is said to us often, but do we truly believe it?  I really didn’t until recently.  And being totally and completely honest with you- it has made ALL the difference.  Sure, I still relapse every now and then into my old “boohoo, life sucks” moments, but those are not as often as before.  It literally HAS taken every tear, every heart-ache, every injury, every let down, every criticism, every.single.fall to make us who we are supposed to be.  EVERYTHING.  It was our journey… it IS our journey.  Learn from it.  I finally am. 

Be blessed.

We often think about what we would miss about someone if we didn’t get to see them often anymore.  Usually the first things that come to minsd are the “big” things.  We’d miss spending holidays with them, celebrating a birthday with them, maybe even special dinners, anniversary… and those are difinitely things that would be missed, but how often do we think of the “little” things?  The things that sometimes are not things we even think about or at times even frustrate us and we let out a sigh when we have to deal with them. 

Things such as …

• Can you scratch my back? (every.single.time. we sit to watch t.v.)
• Read me this story (right in the middle of your favorite t.v. show)
• I had a bad dream, can you stay here with me (3 am when you have to work in a few hours)
• Can you watch t.v. with me… yes, it may be sports, cartoons… etc.  but they want you with them.

Sometimes they aren’t things we do with a sigh… but we do them without thinking that they hold any importance…

• Snuggling right before bed.
• Drying her hair every morning before school (although I keep watching the clock and thinking I don’t have time for this)
• Michal just texting me to say “hi”.
• The extra squeeze my dad gives me when he hugs me.
• Going to McDonald’s because that is all you know she will eat… later you will be looking for a good excuse to get those fries!
• The drive to the away football game… because it may be the only time that week that you are together and can talk because of busy schedules. 
• The voice on the other end of the line, my mom’s voice,  that just by hearing it… your heart tells you- everything is going to be ok. 
• The excitement in Jayda’s eyes and voice when you visit her at school – she wants you there, she is proud of you. 
• Watching Jayda dance.  Even when it doesn’t match the other dancers ;-).

I could go on and on… so many “little” things…

Enjoy them.  Relish in them.  You never know when you will miss them. 

If nothing else… take comfort in the fact that they serve as a reminder that …

you are not in this life alone. 

They are our  blessings.  Be thankful for them.